If you and your spouse plan to end your Iowa marriage, you may have looked into your various divorce options. Both research and your friends tell you that mediation and collaborative divorce are preferable to litigation. However, you also know that mediation only works if you and your spouse are on the same page. You have an inkling mediation is not for you, but how can you be sure? LifeHacker details a few signs you should skip mediation and head straight for the divorce courts.

One sign your divorce may not benefit from mediation is that you or your spouse are unwilling to accept the other’s version of events. If one or both of you cling to the idea that the other is wrong and entirely to blame for the demise of your marriage, alternative dispute resolution of any type may not be for you.

You and your spouse may be beyond the point of mediation if one or both of you is not okay with the other being okay. The goal of mediation is to help couples reach an outcome that both parties find satisfactory. This requires each party to be able to understand the other’s point of view, even if you do not necessarily agree with it.

If your relationship was characterized by domestic violence, or if one spouse always talked over or made decisions for the other, mediation may not work. Abusers are rarely able to see and accept the perspective of their victims, making them poor candidates for mediation. Likewise, overbearing individuals often try to coerce their partners into agreements that go against the meeker partners’ best interests, or that compromise the best interests of the children of those marriages.

An attorney may also advise against mediation if your ultimate goal is to make the other party miserable, and vice versa. Individuals who seek revenge rather than a fair and practical outcome are not good candidates for mediation.

You should not use this article as legal advice. It is for informational purposes only.